I Still Can't Get Back to My Normal Self After COVID
Many people have found themselves thinking, "I just don't feel like myself anymore." Perhaps before the pandemic you enjoyed seeing friends, travelling, going to work, or simply popping to the supermarket without giving it a second thought. Now, even years later, social events feel draining, crowded places seem overwhelming, and leaving the house requires far more mental effort than it once did. You may avoid invitations, make excuses not to go out, or find yourself wondering what happened to the confident version of yourself. If this sounds familiar, you are certainly not alone.
Although the lockdowns ended some time ago, the psychological effects of the pandemic have lingered for many people. Life resumed, but something still feels different. Some describe themselves as having become more anxious, while others simply say they feel "rusty" or disconnected from the person they used to be. The encouraging news is that these reactions are entirely understandable. They are not signs that something is permanently wrong with you, but rather evidence of how remarkably adaptable the human brain really is.
Our brains are constantly learning from experience. Before COVID, most of us unknowingly practised social confidence every single day. We travelled to work, chatted to colleagues, met friends for coffee, stood in queues, attended family gatherings and navigated busy public places. These repeated experiences quietly taught the brain that the outside world was familiar, manageable and generally safe. Then, almost overnight, everything changed. Staying at home was encouraged, social contact was reduced, meetings moved online, and avoiding other people became a responsible thing to do rather than something driven by anxiety.
Over months of isolation, our brains adapted to this entirely different reality. Instead of practising confidence, they practised caution. Rather than repeatedly learning that social situations were safe, many people spent months experiencing uncertainty, health concerns, loneliness and constant exposure to worrying news. The brain simply learned from what it experienced most often. This is not a weakness; it is one of the brain's greatest strengths. It adapts to whatever environment it is repeatedly exposed to.
One of the biggest misconceptions people have is believing they have somehow lost their confidence forever. In reality, confidence is not a fixed personality trait. It is a skill that develops through repeated experience. Imagine not driving a car for several years. You would probably feel nervous the first time you got behind the wheel again, not because you had forgotten how to drive, but because you had lost the familiarity that comes with regular practice. Social confidence works in exactly the same way. The less we use it, the less automatic it feels.
As people began returning to normal life, many found themselves avoiding situations that suddenly felt uncomfortable. Perhaps they declined invitations, chose quieter shops, avoided public transport or worked from home whenever possible. In the short term, these choices often brought relief. Anxiety disappeared the moment the stressful situation was avoided. Unfortunately, the brain quickly learned a powerful lesson: avoiding worked.
This is one of the reasons anxiety can become so persistent. Every time we escape or avoid a feared situation, our brain concludes that avoidance kept us safe. It never gets the opportunity to discover that we might have coped perfectly well after all. Over time, the outside world begins to feel increasingly unfamiliar, and our lives gradually become smaller without us fully noticing it.
For some people, these patterns develop into social anxiety. Social anxiety is much more than simply being shy. It involves a persistent fear of being judged, criticised or embarrassed by other people. Someone with social anxiety may constantly worry about saying the wrong thing, blushing, shaking, appearing awkward or somehow exposing themselves as anxious. Ironically, focusing so intensely on ourselves often increases our anxiety even further, creating a self-perpetuating cycle.
Others find themselves developing symptoms of agoraphobia. Despite common misconceptions, agoraphobia is not simply a fear of leaving the house. It is a fear of being in situations where escape might feel difficult or where help may not be available if anxiety or panic were to occur. Supermarkets, shopping centres, restaurants, cinemas, public transport or busy streets can all begin to feel threatening, not because they are genuinely dangerous, but because the person fears becoming overwhelmed by anxiety while there.
Many people don't completely stop going out. Instead, they slowly begin shrinking their lives. They may only visit places during quiet hours, always sit near exits, rely on someone else to accompany them, avoid eye contact, rehearse conversations beforehand or spend social events checking how anxious they appear. Psychologists refer to these habits as safety behaviours. They are completely understandable attempts to manage anxiety, but unfortunately they often keep anxiety alive.
Safety behaviours work because they reduce distress in the moment. However, they also prevent us from discovering something incredibly important: we were probably capable of coping without them. As long as we continue relying on these protective strategies, the brain never receives evidence that the feared situation was actually manageable.
One of the most frustrating aspects of anxiety is that people often wait to feel confident before returning to normal life. They tell themselves that once they feel less anxious, they will start going out again. Unfortunately, confidence rarely comes before action. More often, confidence develops because we repeatedly face situations that feel uncomfortable and gradually discover that we can cope. Every successful experience teaches the brain that the situation is less threatening than it originally believed.
The pandemic also placed enormous strain on people's nervous systems. Many experienced grief, uncertainty, financial worries, loneliness, disrupted routines and concerns about their own health or the health of loved ones. Living in a prolonged state of uncertainty can make the nervous system more sensitive, meaning that situations which once felt ordinary now trigger a much stronger stress response. This does not mean there is something fundamentally wrong with you. It simply means your nervous system has become highly protective after an exceptionally stressful period.
Recovery does not mean becoming fearless. Instead, it involves gently teaching the brain that everyday situations are safe again. This usually requires gradually returning to situations that have been avoided, reducing safety behaviours, learning to tolerate uncertainty and becoming less focused on monitoring ourselves for signs of anxiety. Over time, the brain begins to collect new experiences that challenge its previous assumptions. Instead of learning that avoidance keeps us safe, it starts learning something far more helpful: I felt anxious, but I managed. Nothing terrible happened.
For many people, therapy can play an important role in this process. Talking about how the pandemic affected your life can be valuable, but understanding the problem is often only one part of recovery. When anxiety is maintained by avoidance, evidence-based therapies such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) focus on helping people gradually break these patterns and rebuild confidence through carefully planned behavioural change. Therapy is not about forcing yourself into frightening situations; it is about helping your brain relearn what it once knew—that the world is not nearly as dangerous as anxiety would have you believe.
Perhaps the most important thing to remember is that you have not lost yourself. The person you were before COVID has not disappeared. Your brain adapted to an extraordinary global event in exactly the way human brains are designed to adapt. Now it simply needs opportunities to learn something different. Confidence is not gone forever. It is waiting to be rebuilt through small, consistent experiences that gradually restore your trust in yourself and in the world around you.
If you still don't feel like your old self after COVID, know that you are far from alone. Many people continue to struggle with social anxiety, avoidance and agoraphobia years after the pandemic. The good news is that these difficulties are highly treatable. With the right understanding, practical strategies and, where appropriate, professional support, it is entirely possible to regain your confidence, reconnect with the people and activities that matter most, and begin feeling like yourself again.
If you recognise yourself in these experiences, therapy can help you understand what has changed, break the cycle of avoidance and gradually rebuild the confidence that anxiety has taken away. You do not have to navigate this journey alone, and recovery is possible. Click here for additional information and resources about anxiety.
